The Rathskeller: Kickstart

14 December 2011

Kickstart Karma

Walk to the bike, fingers crossed, say a prayer.
Ensure all the normal leaks are present.
Look for gearbox seal oil spot on the ground to ensure it has fluid.
Turn on the choke.
Kick the bike over a few times with the switch off to get it primed.
Spin it through until you get compression.
Turn the switch on.
Kick until you have to wipe the snot from your face.
Take a break to catch your breath, count the number of people who gathered around, try to look like this is standard procedure.
Realize you are now in middle of the street, roll the bike back onto the curb, that explains the horns blowing.
Try to act as if you don't notice the crowd snickering.
Think, must be flooded.
Turn off the choke.
Hold the throttle wide open.
Kick..kick...kick...
Notice new paint spots on the tank and realize your nose is bleeding.
Wipe the tears/snot/sweat/nose bleed combo from your face.
Swear.... at this point the word Shit is ok to use
Kick some more.
Swear....at this point the word Bitch is fine
Ignore the old man who says......you know, back in the day.......
Kick until you hear horns blowing again.
Swear.... at this point the word Fucker may be used
Don't even wipe, just swallow the combo.
Check the points.
Turn on the choke.
Hold the throttle WFO, kick until the neighbours wife says.......you don't look so good.
Wipe/swallow/swear
Check the plugs.
Turn off the choke.
Notice you never turned the gas on.
Swear.... you may now use the phrase 'Come on you C&#%'
Turn gas on.
Turn choke on.
Prime engine.
Threaten motorcycle.
KICK !!
Pick yourself up from the ground in front of motorcycle.
Put out the fire in the air cleaner.
Remember to retard the timing this go-around.
Turn on the ignition.
Kick.
Engine starts.......dies.
swallow.
Kick.....success
Check gas in tank, realize there is only about a quart, meaning you will have to go through this again in about 10 minutes.
straddle bike, look both ways for traffic, realize you are in the middle of the street again.
Ride away thinking........ screw those electric start pansies......I'm the real deal.